6. A reflexive process

When Dr. Dyson questioned the potential negative impact of my plan on student motivation, I was taken aback. I firmly believe in the lessons and guidance students can receive in my PE class. Historically, physical education has been seen as just playtime, but as a new generation PE teacher, I aim to teach the knowledge and values that can be gained through physical activity. Running is an effective way to illustrate exercise principles and promote self-awareness, rather than simply pushing to physical activity environment or skill development sessions. I am confident in my teaching approach and the importance of physical education for students. Yet, Dr. Dyson's concerns left me questioning my approach.

Dr. Dyson repeatedly stated that I care for students more than you, I will be the one here long after you leave in four years, and my daughter stopped participating in running after a PE class like yours. This has been a blow to my identity as a PE teacher, as I have always believed in creating positive experiences and encouraging life-long physical activities for my students. Have I truly failed in some way, or were these simply my aspirations that have gone unfulfilled?

I don't want to stay with a frustrated mind. I have taken several steps to reflect on this situation: I have pondered what has happened in my class so far, searched for others who have felt similar emotions, shared my thoughts with my wife and friends, and read articles representing Dr. Dyson's opinion. Although each approach has its own benefits, one peer-reviewed article and one blog post stood out to me. Donald's papers have always been interesting, but this paper, "Getting Better Bit by Bit: Exploring Learners' Enactments of Student Voice in Physical Education," raised questions about my practice. This research explains why student voice (i.e. what students think and feel in a class, and how it is reflected in different aspects of the class) should be taken into consideration and how it enhances students' democratic experience. Although this is not a brand new perspective, Donald's qualitative research is persuasive and compelling, especially for me who used to believe that the ultimate goal of public education is to support students to become good citizens. My curriculum was solely built by myself and I was proud of its inclusiveness with regard to PE areas. There were rules to follow and pathways to take, and students who successfully complete this course will be expected to take similar steps, as I guide them in that way. The goal of my curriculum was for students to understand themselves better, but I thought my class would facilitate that. As a PE professional, that has been my job to do. However, Donald's work focuses on a slightly different approach, in which students' voices are incorporated and enacted in future classes. The pathway was not created by the teacher, but rather, it was constructed together. By doing so, students had agency in the class and physical activities, which will extend beyond the class.

The other blog post was "Do No Harm Mindsets" by Drowningintheshallow. The author called for a shift in mindset from the belief that we are always right, using two similar mindsets: "Black Box" and "Purely Positive," and "Scout" and "Soldier." He explained that comparing these mindsets showed how PE can have negative effects, contrary to the goals of PE teachers. He wrote that our attempts to get children to value PE may lead them to see it as irrelevant in their lives. After reading the post, I had to admit that I was wrong at some points. While some students may have understood my intentions, others may have taken it differently. The class I prepared this semester had the more potential to bring negative experiences. The author concluded that a mindset to learn, adapt, and improve is challenging as it requires acknowledging that we may be wrong. My strong desire to be a good teacher makes me hesitate to adopt this mindset, but this moment that I decided to be a student not a teacher gives the opportunity to learn, adapt, and improve.

My first step will involve a closer examination of this process. This reflective process may serve as the key guide for subsequent steps.